Life has handed me a epic story.
A heroic life and death struggle against formidable odds in an unfolding drama with lots of potential twists and turns. Plot lines don’t get better than that. It is a story I can’t resist telling.
Yet there is an aspect of the story people don’t seem to understand. I’d like to set the record straight.
People comment about how well I am handling the situation, what an inspiration I am, implying I am a some sort of Viking hero. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Don’t get me wrong. I love all the positive things people are saying, I thrive on it. But the truth is I’m just a guy getting swept along by events.
I am merely coping the only way I know how. By invoking my inner clown, putting on my silly hat, letting out a chuckle, and making fun of life.
There is nothing heroic in what I am doing. Being a hero involves making a choice. I have no choice here.
An example.
The men stand at attention, the colonel says “I need a volunteer to parachute into Nazi Germany, assassinate Hitler, walk 200 miles through enemy territory, blow up heavily fortified military installations as you go, seduce glamorous female resistance fighters, and be back in time to perform open heart surgery on little Timmy, the generals only son”.
Steve McQueen saunters forward and says “I can do that, I’ll volunteer.”.
Now that’s a hero.
That is so not me. I would not volunteer. I would hold back knowing that if I went I would not be up to the task. Not even the task of seducing the glamorous female resistance fighter, which is the easy part.
No. Given a chance, I’d run like hell. Because, truth be told, I am no hero. If I could run now I would. But I can’t.
So I struggle through this difficult situation not by being a hero, but by finding humor where none exists. I do this because I am not a hero but am a clown. That is just the way it is.
My friend, you sell yourself short and should not discourage others being inspired. “Choice” is all we have, not something we choose- it’s all choice.
You may not choose the cancer, but you are choosing a response – and that response includes elements of bravery and vision and perseverance against struggle: if we’all choose to find that heroic, please allow us to do so and accept our respect. Also our gratitude: inspiration is indeed a gift.
Hang in there and take full advantage of what remote support we can offer.
If hero worship unfolds, you’ll just have to deal with that, too!
Everyone does what he/she has to do to get through difficult times. Your ability to think in a positive vein (or at least you write that way!) is amazing to people like me who have not encountered much distress in life. Because you’re a well-educated thinker, you are able to make analogies to film and literature and entertain us while making us all feel better at the same time. You could go into a dark funk, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve done that. And that is impressive! So using a more moderate definition, it could all be considered heroic. Just my $.02! 🙂
Jeff – If “hero worship unfolds” I will be forced to buy a new hat. I’ve always wanted one of those leather Viking hats with the bull horns sticking out the sides. Those are so cool. If I end up being a hero, that’s the hat for me.
Another term for bravery, vision, and perseverance is “bullheadedness”. I’ve certainly got my share of that. Thanks for the kind and thoughtful words. They are appreciated.
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Linda – I really do feel the way I write because I write to sort out how I feel. When I was young I was very angry and depressed. By the time I reached age 60 I had exhausted my lifetime quota for both emotions. The only thing left is humor, which I am using as effectively as I can. Thank you for your support.
“A working class gyro is something to eat.” –
Daniel Iorio
Very cryptic. I haven’t got a clue what it means. Even Google couldn’t help.
I am astounded that you can come up with this stuff.
What does “A working class gyro is something to eat.” mean? Or is it one of those Zen Koan things?
I agree with Jeff. You are selling yourself short. You say that you don’t have a choice, that putting on a silly hat is your only option. Many people would not even recognize that as an option, or choose it even if they did.
Well, Gary, if you are a clown, I say “Bring in the Clowns.”
You are an inspiration and we do so wish you well (no pun intended).
Phil
Marcia – Don’t mistake my self effacing style of writing for selling myself short. Beneath this seemingly humble rhetoric lies the heart of a lion. I have more confidence in myself than it may appear.
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Phil – It’s hard work being an inspiration, but I do my best. Thanks.