There have been some ups and downs recently, but I’m doing pretty good now.
My energy level is up, digestion is OK, and I’ve got more of an ability to drink water than I’ve had in months.
That is really nice.
The “down” has mostly been from problems withdrawing from the drug Lorazapam, which I referred to in my last post.
When I needed drugs for nausea to just get me through the day they had me on Lorazapam three times a day. It was pretty awful.
It filled my brain with a cotton ball substance so thick that thoughts could not penetrate it. I couldn’t follow what people were saying and the stuff I came up with to say didn’t make much sense. At least that’s what I am told.
It was like buying a severe mental handicap in a bottle. And I was paying good money for it.
I stopped taking the stuff except at bedtime. Lorazapam made it easier to sleep and I didn’t mind so much not thinking clearly when I was asleep.
I got to liking the stuff a bit too much and soon realized drug dependency was one of its many characteristics.
I tried tapering off from 1 mg at night to 0.5 mg. That wasn’t too bad. However when I totally went of it I got really sick.
Sleeplessness, inability to find words, fuzzy brain, nausea, and vomiting. It was ugly.
I’m now back on 0.5 mg and doing much better.
My plan is continue with the 0.5 mg but gradually shave small amounts off the pill with a razor blade. I figure if I cut back gradually enough it will trick my body into not noticing the drug is going away.
I hope my body is dumb enough to fall for that trick. I am trusting all of you to not tip it off to what I am doing.
It seems there should be a cool name for shaving pills to gradually reduce drug dosage. Something like “pill blading” or “dose slicing”, but I’m not aware of any such commonly accepted phrase.
If there were such a phrase the English language would be better for it. Unfortunately, I have enough on my hands without trying to fix our language at the same time.
So to wrap up, I’m gradually withdrawing from a nasty drug, feeling pretty good considering the circumstances, and noticing that life is generally getting better.
It helps to know that you are still reading the blog and sending positive thoughts. It is greatly appreciated.
So the good news is about as good as it can get! But we’re sorry to hear about the bad news. The shaving of the pills sounds like a good solution. Let us all know how that works! Meanwhile, I hope your weight is keeping steady or even gaining, and that you can enjoy more exercise. All of that should help, no? Thanks for the update!
I’m swimming 40 minutes a day, which is really nice. I’ve stopped worrying about the weight. I figure my body will eventually make the necessary adjustments and my weight will stabilize. Worrying about it only causes stress that makes eating all the more difficult.
Hi Gary,
This is just to assure you that I’m still reading the blog even though I don’t always respond. Getting addicted to a drug is just a dirty trick after everything you’ve been through this year. It sounds like you’re doing exactly the right thing, though. Keep up the incredible mental and physical strength that you’ve shown all year!
Hugo
At least I’m not craving the stuff. It’s much worse when you don’t want to get off the drug but realize you must. With Lorazapam my stomach just punishes me if my body doesn’t get its fix. It’s a hassle to wean myself off of it, but it should be doable.